Fading Dreams!

As I sit on my single bed in my tiny room late at night, wanting to sleep but sleep just wouldn't come, I'm left without a choice but to analyse my thoughts which I had been trying so hard to block in order to avoid depression, but sadly could not succeed. They rush in uncontrollably, as if to explode my mind. I try focus my brain to only the positives, think of something good or funny that might have happened lately, then force a tiny smile. Its successful, but only for a split second, unfortunately I can't lie to my brain. The negatives certainly offsets the positives. They are much more heavier. They always get me!! So I give in and take on the thoughts face on....! 'Month end already here- FINANCES!!! Hmmm, how do I split this flipping allowance? Oh, hold on, better yet, what do I need to do in order to get a PAYING JOB?!! Could there be something wrong with my CV/ layout? Is there something I'm not doing right?'........'Those thiefs must be working with these flipping useless police officers'.....'Gosh I cant afford this.... and that'....'Can this internship thing just end already? It really sucks and its depressing.' e.t.c, e.t.c. At this very moment I realize I'm close to giving up. My childhood dreams of becoming a successful business woman seem to be fading away. My thoughts jump from successful business lady to just getting a job ATLEAST, and finally to housewife.( How sad?!) Is this where I'm headed?! Its all just a blur. And as I switch off the lights, I hope and pray that tomorrow when I wake up and switch them back on, the light will resemble nothing but a brighter day!